Shadows Beneath Fathoms
by Eldrinoia
Summary: I clawed my way out of the depths. The cold burns through my veins as i wheezed and gasped for air. I consumed it for what it's worth. And here i thought, hey. I'm saved. But, no. I guess I never needed saving in the first place. He was the sea. And I didn't mind drowning. I thought i tried hard enough. Of all people. Gods, of course it just had to be you.
1. A Reason For Guilt

Chapter 1: A Reason for Guilt

 _I was so far gone. So lost in the depths of my own misery I refused to let go of, that I've almost forgotten how it felt to be genuinely wanted. But when he came, it was like someone dragged me back up from beneath it all and slammed life back into me. It felt like a surge of everything I never knew I missed. It felt like a breath of fresh air. A pleasant warmth completely different from the usual cold I have gotten used to._

'I want you to accept what I have to offer- not only because I want you to, but also because I want you to believe you deserve to be seen that way, Nico…'

 _He's an entirely different thing for me to handle. I would seriously take hordes of monsters any day. It's kind of like getting a pet. A pet you can't readily accept right out of the bat but neither could you leave out the house. A persistent puppy to be exact. A sunny, blonde puppy who's all-_

'…And I do. Just like the way you see him.'

 _-Too certain and too selfless, that I start to question a lot of things._

 _What was it that he saw in me? Not that it'd be clearly understood any sooner, just as how I question why I can't let go of my own concerns. Why can't I accept this? He was the perfect embodiment of all positive opportunities. Something I've been missing out on since the beginning of this whole fiasco._

 _I've been rejected, stripped of all possible choices and only left with these flimsy memories I can't erase._

 _So what am I even holding back for?_

Nico excused himself and walked back out of the big house as soon as Chiron declared the meeting has ended. Fortunately, he was only summoned to hear about the annual reunion due for the next week, and his uselessness to the camp's current field activities. Some head counselors had to leave their cabins for more than a few weeks, either for the camp exchange, or another mission to help satyrs bring new demigods to camp. Everyone he knew had goals in mind, or is already progressing into reaching that point. Jason and Piper had been gone for quite a while. Although they visit camp, everyone just subconsciously knew that they're both slowly creating themselves newer lives, away from their old, battle-worn past. Reyna, Hazel and Frank- all of them are. And soon, Nico knew that everyone would just be too caught up with enjoying life. Well, they've all earned it well enough anyway. To know what you want, to have the capacity to make it happen, and the right moment to have it-

It must be nice.

Not for him. Even after the victory, the young demigod felt unusually restless. Sometimes, when you're used to things blowing up or going wrong, it's not that easy to lead a tamer lifestyle. To be sitting at camp to feel the coolness of the evening breeze, without worrying about the fate of the world- it all still feels like a dream. So when your comrades begun to move on to find their places outside of their roles as heroes, who wouldn't feel on edge? It feels like a sudden Christmas after a civil war or something. Which was, kind of what happened. Literally. Except Christmas.

Nico wondered if he's just too hung up about the matter, or if he's just had too much time on his own. Because of Chiron's brilliant idea of keeping him in charge of monitoring the status of the exchange, he's practically rooted at camp as a watchdog; which included idling about in the fields and staring at legionnaires as they went on with their program. Usually, this kind of availability isn't much of an annoyance to him. But having too much time to mull around when certain blondes have ingrained shitloads of questions to his brain can lead to long, grueling hours.

"I know I can't instantly make you see me that way, Nico. But I'd seriously give anything to see you try." Will Solace whispered as if pleadingly, against the door to Hades' cabin. He stood still for a few heartbeats before slowly walking away.

Nico hadn't meant to snap at him the day he had to leave camp. It was purely unintentional. But since shutting people out had been the next closest thing to coping to him, it wasn't exactly surprising. This 'relationship' thing he had with Will isn't all hearts and butterflies, just as the Aphrodite cabin would have described. To Nico, it was more like a bundle of uncertainty doused in knee-numbing anxiety. Ever since Will clarified his intentions, all the comfort Nico had took refuge in upon befriending him just turned upside-down. Although Nico appreciates his efforts, he became overly aware of his presence that he couldn't even stand helping out in the infirmary. However, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. The guy had been a total sweetheart, much to Nico's slight dismay. He would often visit his cabin uninvited. If not, leave fruits in small baskets with cheesy notes for him to find. Nico thought the notes were unnecessary and slightly overkill, but Will just kept them going. He would find meals inside his cabin whenever his duties keeps him too long, along with a 'Doctor's orders!' scribbled neatly on a note and tucked beside it. Seriously, this guy.

Nico could almost feel a tug etching across his face. But when he started backtracking the way each argument with Will goes, his expression settles on a sad smile.

"I thought you said you're ready to let go? What are you hesitating for then?" The son of Apollo once asked.

What, indeed. Nico couldn't quite place a finger on it yet. Even after all those months of discovering new things with him.

"Believe in me, Solace. I thought I knew better." He mused, as he watched the legionnaires make their way towards the dining pavilion.

Eating at the mess hall during the peak of the exchange had always been weird. It was almost a year at least, but Nico still couldn't get used to seeing a lot of new faces. Sure, his efforts had earned him quite a reputation. They were welcomed as heroes, nonetheless. He was acknowledged and appreciated. But the feeling that victory brings is short-lived. You can't be a friend to just anyone because you're famous. And besides, the limelight fades either way. At the end of the day, it's all just personal perception. In the past, he was always bothered when he had to deal with crowds. People would almost instantaneously flinch when they see him materialize from the shadows. The usual reactions he would get were glances of discomfort, clear as day. But as he aged, Nico had totally grew with it and couldn't care less. Few ones have stubbornly stayed anyways, and that's what matters most.

He sighed as he unconsciously picked on his food, remembering how Will would always try to find a way to introduce him to new company whenever he could, or at least eat with him if he can't. He was always at it with trying to improve his 'people skills'. It was as if he was scared of Nico being on his own that no matter how many times Nico opposed to each of his ideas, he would always find a way to make him agree otherwise.

He was always the one to worry about his wellbeing. He reminded him of Percy a lot, only a much gentler version, but as easily annoying as him. Gee, Will's a natural pain. But Percy? Oh. He's _exhilarating_ in more ways than one; easily the most stubborn guy Nico has met in his entire lifetime. That man is composed of recklessness, dedication and stupidity, personified. He was very devoted to the people he cared about that he'd most likely throw himself away for their sake instead of his- to which he did, countless of times. Nico had a first-hand experience. His impact on people leaves a strong impression of awe which makes him the leader he was. Nico wouldn't ever admit it out loud, but camp never seemed the same after the power couple's retirement for New Rome. The place lost the natural glow that always made the place buzzing with activity, and what made it seem like home.

If Percy were here, he would've checked up on those who were left at camp, and absolutely make this dull night into one hell of a good time. He was always the one for antics. If he were here, he'd probably be here annoying the hell out of him.

Percy, huh.

Suddenly he wasn't so hungry anymore. He didn't even eat half of his portion. He scraped the food from his plate into the bronze brazier and walked towards his cabin, with a bitter taste on his mouth.

His name still has that familiar pang of longing, no matter how deep he shoves it at the back of his mind. After everything he did, Nico just couldn't shrug it off. Even if it was reduced over time, the throbbing still manages to make him breathless.

Despite being satisfied with his meal, he felt hollow.

He wasn't clearly sure why, but for the first time in the expanse of his relationship with the son of Apollo, Nico felt utterly guilty.


	2. Wise Mistake

Chapter 2 – Wise Mistake

It was a calm Wednesday. A perfectly-snug kind of Wednesday where you can actually enjoy getting out without freezing or keeling over the bristling pavement. The weather's perfect for a walk, his classes were finished and his part of the chores were halfway done. It had been their fifth month in New Rome and things were going smoothly with Annabeth.

Their apartment was beyond fine. Annabeth kept to the old bunker beds, antique owl decors, teal sheets and wood accented furniture, insisting that it's better for the house to feel like 'a cross between cabin 3 and 6' than a roman temple. Percy chuckled at the memory. He really felt right at home.

Life has been unbelievably normal. Nowadays though, their house felt too big and too lonely.

In a way, Percy absolutely admired the way her eyes sparkled when they talked about their day when they could. He loved it when she just immerses herself with her passion. Be it the invitation to be the head architect for a monumental piece at the new plaza, her personal crew's success for their second win at a scale model contest at her university, or her sudden affiliation with more phenomenal people she didn't bother explaining how she met, basically because he was too smart to remember so many names. Success in her field meant a great deal to Percy, even though it meant getting dinner alone in a family restaurant for at least a month straight.

Well it isn't that bad. Percy thought. At least she's happy.

Annabeth never missed to send him a message though. Kind of like a code. A round o' clock barrage of 'I love you's and promises that piled in Percy's memory. A note at the bedside table whenever she wakes up earlier and an iris message about her morning at lunch, filling him in between chews of her occasional Caesar salad, or as Percy would like to call: mayo on grass. They'd both tease each other about their peculiar food choices and laugh it off until Iris gets tired of their shit. Either that or Annabeth's schedule collides with his classes and finally hangs up. Percy would walk home and do food detours and that's where the 'I'm sorry I had to stay and help with things.' come. Percy, trying to be as inconspicuous as he could, just sighs and plays it off. He ends up waiting for her at her department anyways, only to be sent home with a kiss on the cheek and a heavy flick on the forehead. He manages to sneak in sometimes recently, and walk her home if she doesn't see him first. Although walking together seemed like a good reward, the distance towards home becomes uncomfortably shorter than it was when he's alone for anything to settle. And besides, enthusiastically complaining to a tired Chase about his increasing distress would never be a wise mistake to go for. He learned that, experience-wise. He never minded. Cuddles and kisses at night before she drifts off, smiling? Seriously, what more can he ask for?

So he just… deals with it.

Her time offs are more unpredictable than Blackjack's appetite crisis. A call could be the only difference between a carefully planned vacation and yet another promise of making it up to Percy. Well, he can't blame her really. He's had his fair share of his own. He makes his own extra as a swimming instructor at the university. Three to four hours in, and you've got more than enough for a good meal, a bag of take-home snacks, and spare cash. Expenses weren't much trouble for them. Rather, they had to live with denying romans who tend to give them a little too much, praetorship recognition and all. Add Sally Jackson to that support pile, and of course, Annabeth's family.

It was a good living, but hardly any lengthy time for the kind of normalcy Percy wanted.

He opened the panes for the evening breeze to flit by, too exhausted to annoy Annabeth home. He patiently waited for her as he takes the cushions off the make-shift dry rail from airing. He took them inside and placed each on the couch frames. Taking his usual place on the longest one, he plopped down with a bag of Cheetos in tow.

Sounds of obnoxious chewing filled the room. Percy shifted from channel to channel, each blaring dramatic couples acting romantic clichés in sappy violin music. His mood turns alarmingly sour by each second that passes.

Pity, it was such a nice day for a walk with Annie.

It had been a week since Annabeth told him about the big project. It seems that progress was improving vastly, and will soon be approaching completion. Then she'd be recognized again, then more projects will come, then Percy will try to convince her to take a damn break or probably even a vacation on an island with him on a boat-Wait, you know what, screw boats. He can take her underwater if she'd just ask- but she'd just refuse anyway. Apparently, blueprints and Daedalus' blasted laptop is more fun than Bahamas anyways.

Percy sighed. He should probably take the idea on. Feeling pathetic, he munched on a sad Cheeto as he settled for Disney's 'The Little Mermaid' instead.

"Hey Seaweed brain. You shouldn't have waited for me. Do you wanna play princess or would you throw yourself to bed?"

Percy woke up to the smell of daisies under the sun. Instinctively, he grabs for her hand and locks her into a lopsided bear hug. She yelps and halfheartedly hits him back, tension and fatigue clearly plastered across her whole body. Giggling, she tries to tickle him into defeat, but Percy just wouldn't let up. She rolled her eyes and eventually gives up and relaxes into the hug. She knew by the second she looked at him: Percy's on his man-period. Chase terminology, don't ask.

"Hey, what's up? Missed me much?" Annabeth sighed into him and hugged him back.

He was too overwhelmed with words to come up with a shitty retort, so he just lays there, dumbfounded. It's been a while since he's had this feeling. The kind where she alone could just make everything seem non-priority. He pretended that they owned every minute- that there were no classes and Annabeth is just some other normal demigod without too much brilliancy and talent, and that he's just like any other boyfriend- crazy in love. He lazily traced soft circles on her back, enjoying the texture of her blazer's fabric beneath his fingertips. He enjoyed every second. Her weight against his, her scent in his system, her pulse in sync with his, and her limbs snaked around him. She was just a package he can't resist.

"Percy. You can't sleep like this. Let's go to bed."

"…."

 _Just a little more time, please?_

"Let me go at least. I still have final touch-ups for-"

"Stay a bit longer, please?" He pleaded softly.

"Percy..."

"Yeah, I kinda missed you. Please have a second dinner with me, wise girl."

Annabeth couldn't help but laugh at that. Smiling at the effort, she helped him up and attempted to pile her clutter of homework as Percy scrambles to cook something quick. He managed to find a lot of eggs, a bowl of Annabeth's 'grass', and a lump of bacon. Ah, good stuff.

"Annie, you okay with weird omelettes?" He hollered from their mini kitchen.

"Yeah, just don't make them too blue, okay?"

"Gotcha."

He watched her eat as she worked. He even made her favorite strawberry milkshake. Annabeth smiled and thanked him, fully aware of being watched. She worked swiftly and accurately just as always. She even filled him in with the status of the art piece between bites. Percy just listened in awe.

"-so yeah, I think it's going to be successful. How about your day though? How's chemistry?" She smirked.

"Chem's fine. Thanks to your notes. I feel like I'm acing the next semester. Also, I had an offer from the dean."

Percy told her about the opportunity for a stable job. Having the perks of being quite the celebrity, the dean took him as a favorite. He mentioned something about a marine life exposure trip, and thought of Percy immediately. The idea was imposed by a science professor in the middle of the camp exchange, for the students to have a field exam for finals instead of written paperwork. And on the way, if they could convince mortals into accepting willing students from a peculiar university to help maintain wildlife-

"We could basically expand the whole department, just outside of New Rome though. Perks are, the place is on Long Island." Percy finished.

"Near camp? Convenient. "

"But Annie, three weeks?"

"I'll miss you. But it's too good of an opportunity to pass-"

"I don't think it's a good idea." He admitted, toying with his last piece of bacon. Annabeth looked up from her paper and arched a brow. They both stared at each other as she finished her last gulp of milkshake, challenging.

"Look at you. I can't just leave you alone for three weeks." He admitted, munching on blue lettuce. Truthfully, Annabeth didn't look any different to him. She still is beautiful, but undoubtedly tired. More creases developed on her forehead overtime. They may be faint, but Percy noticed even those slightly dark lines under her eyes.

He had more concerns regarding the stupid trip. But beneath it all, leaving Annabeth alone for something non-urgent was just that one thing that couldn't sit right with him.

"Percy. This isn't about me. You know I can take care of myself. I love what I do and I think, maybe it's time for you to find something worth investing more time on. Find your own addiction of some sort. Your passion." She explained. Annabeth stood from her seat to take the dishes into the sink with Percy following in suit. She took her place by the rack and got a rag, waiting for the wet dishes to dry. Percy just stands between her and the sink, intentionally slowing her down. Pressured by the unamused stare from the child of Athena, he gave it up and started cleaning anyways.

"You know, I honestly wouldn't let you go if you were in my place. It makes me uncomfortable that you can agree without much of a second thought." Percy mused out loud.

"Percy… You'll be fine. We'll keep in touch, okay? Organize something for your class. I'm sure a few more romans won't be much of a problem at camp. I'll talk to Chiron too." She said, with a tinge of uneasiness in her voice. Oblivious, Percy just brushes it off and continues with the dishes.

"Seaweed brain?" Annabeth calls out, hanging the wet rug on the hamper beside the sink. She makes her way to him to caress his face while looking him in the eye. They were still the very same stormy gray Percy knew and loved. And it bore into his very being just as intensely as it did back then. Feeling shivers up his sleeves, his hands found their place around her small waist as he leaned his forehead against hers. Her breath calmed him down just the way the ocean used to when he felt troubled.

"Trust me. It's okay. You'll do fine, just like always." She kissed his forehead.

"You go ahead. I still have a few left to finish." She continued.

"It's past midnight wise girl. Won't you please just rest?" He tugged softly at her hand. Smiling, she pecks at his lips then on the hand that held hers, and apologetically lets go.

"You have it earlier tomorrow. Get some sleep. I promise I'll be through in a few minutes." She says.

Percy watched as her faint lamp lights up in their mini study room while he made his way to bed. He bundles up against the wall, feeling unusually chilly inside.

 _Was this what I wanted?_ He asked himself as he drifts off to sleep.


End file.
